Tales From the Jiffy Lube

My car was a bit past its due mileage for an oil change, but things just kept getting in the way of my heading in. 5000 miles, that's just a bit past, right? Anyway, the guy at the counter was giving me the obligatory grief about coming in more often, or buying their more expensive oil. I mentioned that I'd really made a point of coming in that morning because I'd hit every available bug on my way to/from Duluth the night before, and didn't really feel like having to scrub the windshield myself. Cleaning windows is one of their services. Just like vacuuming.

It was a slow morning for them, and he had an appreciative audience of two, so he launched into telling a few tales of messes he'd seen in cars that came through.

By far the messiest windows he'd ever seen were from a car brought in after an eagle finished its lunch while perched on its roof. Not only were the remains of fish guts and blood smeared all over - and by all over he meant roof, front and back windshields, and hood - but the eagle had defecated abundantly while enjoying its meal. Making more room, I guess. I'm not sure how much visibility the driver had to drive it in safely. Anyway, he and his crew did what they could to clean up the mess. I'm sure he gained a grateful customer. He could have just recommended the car wash down the street.

He went on to vacuuming stories, telling of times the crew has refused to vacuum the inside of the car when the smell alone from opening the door made them nauseous. Usually the owners understood. Maybe it was the thought of them adding to the mess instead of eliminating it that did the trick. There was one in particular that stood out for him, however, a vehicle owned by a dog rescue guy. The dogs had the run of the back, and often used it for their bathroom. When they explained that it wouldn't be getting a cleaning from them, the owner apologized, saying he forgot to tell them only to vacuum the driver's compartment. That was no problem.

Other memorable kinds of dirt showed up. Showing me my air filter and recommending it be changed next visit brought one such to mind. A young man with a Jeep with 180,000 miles on it showed up with the original air filter in place! It had a caked mass over an inch thick of dirt and dust covering its top. The driver agreed to its replacement, and the Jiffy Lube guy pinned it to his lobby bulletin board as an object lesson and conversation piece for his customers. A couple days later the driver's father stormed in, demanding his original air filter and his money back. The father insisted it was good for a lifetime, and would not hear that even had it been the right kind of air filter to last that long, it still needed to be cleaned off every so many miles.

Speaking of the bulletin board prompted me to ask whether anybody had taken a picture of the car that hosted the eagle before it got cleaned off. Unfortunately, nobody had, though it would have been a great idea. He'd also thought about posting other pictures, but thought it might embarrass some customers that he'd rather return with their business another day.

And by then, my car was ready.