Tall Building Syndrome

Nope, not talking about  bad air from sealed windows. Nor dizziness where tall building sway in a stiff wind. Nor poorly built buildings cracking and crumbling from improper materials and illegal cost saving measures. No, this to date is always deadly, but from none of those things. But they do say it's becoming more popular lately. 

Particularly in Russia.

It seems many of Putin's ... uh... friends are succumbing to the malady. Early symptoms include a difference of opinion over the invasion of Ukraine. These can advance very quickly if the early symptoms are not squelched immediately, it is widely believed, though the length of efficacy in preventing the malady from progressing may vary.  Disagreement exists on whether prevention is even possible given today's state of medicine.

Should symptoms not be tended to immediately, more severe symptoms progress from falls from a great height, followed shortly (despite a possible lack of discernible breathing at this point) by the victim tumbling down multiple flights of stairs, although the mobility necessary for bring those symptoms on have not been clearly defined at this point and must be investigated further. Fortunately for scientists, there are an increasing number of subjects available for scholarly study. 

Finally, in the most extreme cases, these desperately ill individuals work their way outside these tall buildings and under the path of a passing bus. The mess is said to be quite unpleasant, with many witnesses fearing contagion.

Studies thus far have not indicated that wearing an N95 mask or similar can help prevent this malady from spreading, as they have not been found strong enough, nor sufficiently finely woven to prevent words of disagreement with Putin from passing the poor souls' mouths in time to avoid the contagion. Little hope exists for the efficacy of ivermectin, nor bleach rinses, though fluorescent light bulbs roughly shoved down the patient's throat show some promise of preventing the initiating symptom. Opinions vary on whether it is to be recommended, however.

Scientists of unquestionable loyalty towards Putin are studying the malady. It is possible the illness can be prevented from becoming an epidemic, but you may have to hold your breath while waiting.