Flunking The "Pencil Test"

You remember that nasty old thing? It is/was where boys/men denigrate girls/women for not having boobs so perky that when they stick a pencil immediately under them, it doesn't drop. Like we'd ever let them get that close, right? Because it was only the real assholes that would ever joke about it. They used to say it meant we were "too old" for them to be attracted to if we flunked the test.

You know what, though? They were right. They just didn't realize it. The only women who flunked that test were very young, barely past puberty, or at least appeared that way. And no, this is not me denigrating women with flatter chests. We come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, maturing at different rates, and we're all normal. Just fine, thank you. All feminine in every real sense of the word.

No, this is me denigrating the guys who used that so-called test to denigrate women, because if you haven't realized it yet, they are all admitting they are only sexually attracted to juveniles. Mature healthy women never "pass" that test. Women who've ever breast fed a baby never pass, or even who've been pregnant but choose to bottle feed. Breasts droop. Fat or skinny, they droop. If guys can't handle that, they're looking for little girls. Think about it. It's the guys' problems, not ours. We're still sexy as we want to be.

Now there is one consequence of "flunking" the test. No matter how supposedly well designed the bra, they droop. Get active, sweat a bit, simply live through a full day, and you get skin/salt rubbing on skin. Irritation happens, often compounded by elastic or even underwires which are supposed to negate the issue. You itch, you squirm, you shower, you're still miserable. Powders may seem to help, at least for a few hours. Perfumes, corn starch vs. talc, medicated additives, either don't help at all or never last long enough to make a real difference. And face it, the older we get, the lower they droop, the worse we feel, the worse we're told we should feel.

After decades of irritation and itching, I finally stumbled into a solution. It works for any body part where skin rubs on skin constantly. It came out of using this for a way to cure something else, MYOB. It's good old fashioned Vaseline! Just rub a thin layer over those places where the irritation happens after a shower and/or every couple days, depending on your habits. It generally lasts two days unless vigorously rubbed or removed by soap. It also is simply a great solution for a spot of super dry skin, though it shouldn't be used all over simply because the skin needs to breathe. Besides, you don't want to have to clean oily spots from everything you touch and wear, right? 

Meanwhile, just remind yourself what all those jerks laughing about the pencil test are really saying and go find yourself a mature individual of whatever age for a partner, eh?