Ya Just Gotta Love It

 email to club treasurer

subject: I'm finding this funny....


Hi _____,

I got this letter from the IRS today. Kind of a surprise, for many reasons. It's the second time in my lifetime when they "lost" one of my documents. Reason I'm telling you is the one they "lost" is the 1099 I sent along with a Schedule C. I know it was them, because I don't have theirs, just mine.

Reason I find this funny is it's so pointless. First, you sent in club info early in the year, and they should be able to instantly locate it via computer. It works for banks if you send in erroneous info.

Second, they insist on no staples, paper clips, or other fasteners, so loose things just... "magically" disappear.

And third, I didn't even come near to needing to FILE for last year, but did during that time when we were told it was necessary in order to qualify for those $1200 checks. (You know, because they couldn't manage to find us after sending us SS checks for years, right? Until they figured out they could.) I didn't even bother to claim any expenses on Schedule C, and commented on the form that I wasn't going to bother because I wouldn't need to pay taxes regardless.

So now, they need a copy of the 1099. Think I'll pop into the club and see if the copier is working, donate a quarter, and pop it in the mail to them. (Can't REALLY call it a club expense after all.) I just know they'll tell me it was the wrong one because it'll say it's taxpayer's copy of whatever the terminology is. And I still won't owe any taxes.

Anyway, hope you can appreciate the humor. Wish they could, but I doubt they'd be working there if that were the case.

So-o-o-o nice to be retired.

Heather

PS: I had almost as much fun applying for a loan once. In filing I'd run out of Schedule C forms due to mistakes, and filed at the very end. Back when forms were in P.O. and not online. So for my copy, I just put down "Line 1 _____, Line 13______, etc. Loan officer flipped his lid that it wasn't on a "real" form. I just told him to look one up and fill the numbers in their right places. They never changed the things. Got the loan too!