Sunday, November 12, 2017

To Sleep, PerchanceTo Dream

Those who study dreams have all kinds of theories about what their purpose might be, and those who don't study them have other ideas. Maybe we collate all the data from the day, sort it out, and store it in the brain for further reference. Freud had a bunch of ideas about what they "really mean" that seem pretty weird - or at least make us all seem pretty weird, and others interpret dreams in other ways, perhaps as a clue to predicting the future. Some folks claim they never dream, others claim they only dream in black and white.

I have some ideas of  my own. I buy into the idea that we remember dreams, at least for a little while, if we wake up during them, since I have no memories of dreams from early in the night when I sleep my soundest, and experience dreams that continue with a story line in ongoing pieces during those mornings where I have the luxury of sleeping in, but lightly. A problem I'm first aware of in the first of a series where I sleep lightly, wake briefly, and return to dreaming, continues to be processed  and reprocessed in further stages with each consecutive dream. Sometimes the problem actually gets solved, at least in dream logic. Sometimes I finally wake, relieved to realize it was all just a dream and I can quit trying to fix whatever it was.

Oh, and yes, I dream in color. The first I ever was aware that others might not was when I read that it was a controversy as to whether anybody actually dreamed in color. I'm not going to venture an opinion as to how accurate your memory of color vs. no color in your dreams is, or what the explanation for the difference may be. However, since everyone has REM sleep periods, I do believe everybody does dream, remember it or not.

For years I have revisited landscapes that only exist in my dreaming brain, recognizing them as they appear in each new dream. My dreams place secret mountains just west of the Twin Cities, not found on any map, but leading along a route which travels downhill through a non-existant town and across a few miles of valley to end up here. This landscape resides in the same logical system that places a tall blue glass tower on the very western edge of the metropolitan area, offering a clear view over fields and trees to a cloud cover sending five tornadoes straight toward the tower.  (Yeah, that one always wakes me up, though repetitions lose scare value since I know they're coming.)

My dreams have changed since I retired. I suspect, since they are about 90% work dreams, and there are always problems with getting the job done, that not only does my brain have some adjustments to make with that huge part of my life ending fairly suddenly, but that perhaps the job was more stressful than I let myself consciously register while I needed to continue performing it.

Maybe your stress dreams are different than mine. I've never had the standing in front of an audience in no clothes dream, or having to take a test I've not studied for. But then, speaking to a crowd or taking a test were never stressful for me. I have had the falling off a cliff kind, or suddenly facing a snarling wolf kind. While I was working, I'd often dream that my foot was on the brake but the car would fail to slow down. Sometimes it would be going forwards, sometimes in reverse. Those would wake me in an adrenaline rush, otherwise known as a nightmare.

These days the dreams I remember have me still working...  or trying to. Stuff goes wrong. First, I can't read while I dream. When I have to try to find an address, or figure which part of the world I'm supposed to head to, the writing on the page or screen is too blurred or missing completely. If my dream actually gives me that kind of information, it'll be some place I've never heard of, and I can't call in and ask dispatch because they'd fire me for being so stupid.

Other times I can't remember where the car is. Not only is it now the wrong color, likely blue or red, it's blocks or miles away from the building I'm coming out of and I have to walk for ages, some times even then finding it's not there after all. In the back of my mind during these dreams is the awareness that I can't actually walk that far because of my knees, but find myself doing it anyway. If I do find it, I don't do the smart thing and move it next to the building I'm delivering to, but take the package out and hike off again to the next stop.

Last night was a new twist. I was aware of having been working for months, all those dreams accumulating "real time" on the job, and was thinking to myself how nice it was going to be to have that income to add to my Social Security. But then I looked at my bank account and realized that there had been no money coming in from all that time on the job. I decided to head in to the office and ask why I wasn't getting paid.

I was told that all that work was only in my dreams!

No comments: