Wednesday, January 9, 2013

If You're Going To Break Them Anyway...

It's January 9th. We're getting used to a full work week again, post all the holiday breaks. Traffic is jamming accordingly. Kids are back in school, legislatures back in session. We're gaining seconds of daylight each day, but statistically the worst winter can throw at us is still ahead. Financial documents from last year are getting pulled from their file folders and organized for tax preparation, though it's unlikely a W4 or 1099 has graced the mailbox yet.

And, because it's January 9th, a significant number of us have already broken one or more of those annual New Year's resolutions. You remember back to last year and what you promised yourself, so long ago. Right? Maybe it was about losing weight. Exercising more. Saving more. Whatever.

So how're you doing?

Before long nearly all of us will have broken our resolutions. Too hard, too much work, life intervenes. Since so many of us will break them, how about looking at it in a new way? Why not make resolutions where breaking them will actually do something good and leave you feeling better?

I do, of course, have some suggestions. Next year, consider resolving some of the following:

- to get fat(ter)
- to become a complete couch potato
- to be ruder to everybody
- to start fights at every opportunity
- to spend money like you're going to die tomorrow
- to forget about looking for a (better) job
- to max out all your credit cards
- to get drunk and stay drunk all year
- to see how much cholesterol you can cram into every meal
- to throw all your cans, bottles and paper into the regular garbage - if you pick them up at all
- to steal everything you can get your hands on
- to close your mind to new ideas and information
- to smoke more, lots more
- to lose your temper at every provocation
- to spread as much gossip as anybody will listen to, and always tell it bigger and worse than it was
- to whine about everybody and everything, becoming the complete victim
- to eschew all responsibility and blame everybody else for everything
- to delay paying all your bills
- to never clean _________
- to sprinkle your conversation with every offensive epithet you can
- to ignore your kids and cheat on your spouse
- to give half a day's work for a full day's pay
- to text while driving, also while ignoring speed limits

Then, just remember to break them just like you do the regular ones.

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