Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Big Job's Daughters Secret

I could simply cut to the chase here and tell you that I never did find out what the secret was, but that just wouldn’t be like me. So I’ll start much earlier.

I grew up knowing my parents were members in a lodge. Daddy was an Odd Fellow, and Mom was a Rebecca. Hubbard, the small town closest to our resort on 2nd Crow Wing Lake, had a lodge where they attended meetings. We didn’t get to know anything else about it because it was “secret”. Being kids, we didn’t much care either. I did know that the lodge held entertainment that was open to the public, a kind of a talent exhibition in the guise of a minstrel show.

Today that would be a scandal. Back then, growing up in an area that had likely never seen a black person in the flesh, black-face was just kinda silly. Nobody could actually look like that, could they? No word of segregation or Jim Crow laws leaked into our serene protected little world, and we just sat back and enjoyed the show. Much of the rest of it was silly also, intended or not.

After moving to Park Rapids, my parents continued their lodge membership, although they still traveled to Hubbard to be with their old lodge friends. It was in the same county, and there wasn’t an Odd Fellow's lodge in Park Rapids. There were, however, Masons.

I never knew how it came about, but one day my mom asked me if I wanted to join Job’s Daughters. Job’s Daughters? What was that? Turns out it was a branch of the Masons for teenaged girls, and when we grew up we could become Eastern Stars. But at that time I'd never heard of it, or them, or whatever. It was some kind of lodge, and somebody unknown to me had put my name forward as a possible candidate to join. It didn’t seem important either way, but Mom encouraged me, so I showed up to be interviewed. The questions seemed both innocuous and pointless. I’d heard I could be blackballed by a single vote but I had no idea why somebody would unless they didn’t like me. These days I’m thinking it had more to do with race and religion and less to do with personalities, but I was clueless then. At any rate, I was accepted. I was to show up on a certain night to be initiated. My parents could come, but otherwise it was to be secret.

We who were to be initiated that night had to wait outside in an atrium while the meeting started, while a couple of the girls already in Job’s Daughters stayed with us and coached us in what was to be expected of us. Actually, they did a pretty good job of not letting us know what to do, other than to just do as were were told at each point. It was all secret until we were members. Just to tease us a little bit, they told us we had to “ride the goat”.

“Behold, behold, we are the daughters of Job.
Behold, behold, we are the daughters of Job,
The fairest, the fairest in all the land.”

I can still sing that at the drop of a hat. It was our processional for every meeting, sung while we entered and marched around to take our places, assigned according to what our particular “office” was at the time. I knew it was a lie when I sang it. I was chubby and awkward, my hair was a curly unruly mess, the robe made me look ugly, and I was anything but the fairest in all the land. But I sang it.

That night it was all new to me. Our escorts, and all the other members, wore white satin robes that came nearly to the floor, with big sleeves, and twisted satin ropes like very long drapery tiebacks that came down our shoulders, twisted together between our breasts, crossed behind our backs and around to the front at our waists where they were tied together in a knot and dropped the rest of their length. Every curve and bulge was outlined. The style looked great on the ectomorphs among us. I wasn’t one of them. While we were waiting to go in, we donned them as well and were shown how to tie them.

When the doors opened, we marched around to different positions in the room, listened to different pieces of the ritual, and moved to new places. Eventually we were lined up in the front of the room, facing what we later learned were the officers, seated up on the front dais. While this presentation was going on, I found myself starting to black out. I had been strictly enjoined over and over to do nothing but what we were told at every step of the way, so I was frozen there, up in front of everybody, unable to sit, put my head down, anything but hope the whole thing got over quickly so I didn’t disgrace myself and my family. We finally were told to turn to our right and proceed, following our leader. At last! By then I was completely blind and wondering if I would be able to go in the right direction and turn at the right time just by following the sounds in front of me. Nothing to do but try. I distinctly remember making 4 steps... and waking up on the floor with a whole lot of very excited people gathered around me, suddenly relieved that I was OK.

And Mother, of course, demanding to know why hadn’t I sat down and put my head between my knees? The very same mother who had spent most of my life telling me to do exactly as I was told. The very same mother who should have been proud of me for following my directions despite adverse circumstances. Figures.

Initiation was over, though I’m not sure that was exactly when that part of the program had been planned for. For a long time I was the butt of jokes about falling off the goat at my initiation, but managed not to be disqualified from membership despite having fainted. I learned the songs and the speeches, voted on new girls joining without ever finding a reason to blackball anybody, went to all the meetings. About twice a year we did something called a service project, which as far as I could tell meant singing at a nursing home or preparing decorations for somebody else’s event.

We were sworn to secrecy about every bit of it, which I never understood then, and still don’t now. When our family moved to St. Paul, I didn't bother to look up a new lodge, and when grown, never bothered to join Eastern Star. I never saw the point.

*   *   *   *   *

Addendum: this post has proved so popular, I have decided to add further comments now, over 11 years later:   http://werejustpassingthru.blogspot.com/2021/02/echos-from-big-jobs-daughters-secret.html

If this link doesn't work, look for "Echoes From The Big Jobs Daughters Secret" posted Feb. 1, 2021.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

The reason you didn't find out what the secret was is because there was nothing super secret :) Other than a secret handshake and a few secret keywords, there's no creepy secret. Any adult can attend a meeting and know everything about us! Jobs Daughters is simply an organization that let's young women develop their leadership skills, public speaking, self confidence, respect for parents and guardians, love for your country, and charitable service. We do all this while making lifelong friends and tons of fun memories. When that song is sung (it's only sung once or twice a meeting by the way), the word fair isn't referring to outer appearance. It's talking about the just and kindness of the person. Also, it sounds like you had a bad experience during your initation, but i can assure ypu thar nobody would've been mad at you for sitting down if you were about to faint. They say do as you are told just so you feel like you aren't missing something or embarrassing yourself! It's not like anyone would be punished for doing things they don't tell you to do. That would be really weird. The white robes are worn to symbolize that we are all equal! We're like girl scouts with cool outfits. But hey, it's not everyone's cup of tea! I think it's cool that you tried it though and it's also perfectly fine that you decided to stop going. :)

Jobbie also said...

I was a Job's Daughter and totally agree with the above comment. Maybe the girls were different at your Bethel than ours. It is a wonderful organization for girls to achieve the attributes that the above comment referred to. I have a very competitive personality so I enjoyed aspiring to the different offices. I hope you have learned the attributes that Jobbies inspires on your own. It's not for everyone but it's definitely for some.

Unknown said...

I loved being a Job's Daughter. I am greatly saddened by the fact that my two daughters will never get to experience it. We are a Navy family so we move a lot and it seems like everywhere we go there is not an active order.

PBG Mary said...

I have been involved with this organization for about 20 years, since my youngest daughter joined, she went on to become Honored Queen and is now a majority member. She currently has 2 daughters who are members in her bethel, on just got initiated 2 weeks ago and just got installed into her office last night!!! I am currently a CAV, I was on Guardian Council for many years and also did 1 year as Bethel Guardian. To witness the girls grow, come out of their shells, have love and respect for each other, their elders and other people in general and to blossom into fantastic, hard working adults is such a blessing!! By holding the different offices they learn life skills such as reading, memorizing, bookkeeping, secretarial work and that hard work pays off!!! A lot of our girls were able to pro tem any position at any time!! That is love and dedication of the Order. The only issue I have is that some of the adults, who are suppose to be there to GUIDE and Help the girls, want to take over and they end up ruining it for them instead. Egos tend to get in the way of the good of the girls!! Jobies77 was spot on with their comment!! I hope my granddaughters see the value in the lessons they are learning and use them their whole lives!!!

C said...

I enjoyed reading about your Jobs Daughters experience. It made me giggle remembering all of the pomp and circumstance.
I did truly enjoy my time in the organization. Becoming Honored Queen was petrifying at the time. I somehow, as a very shy person, managed to memorize everything that I needed to and survived my term and was better for it.
Thank you for the memories!!

LinziGray said...

I was a member of Job's Daughters in Virginia and to be quite honest with you, I hated it. I went from being socially awkward and an outcast for 6-7 hours a day at school, only to spend another hour or 2 being an outcast during Jobie meetings. My bethel was small and had it's group, which I was cast out of from day 1. Even when I became Honored Queen (I did it for my mom who is now in Eastern Star), I was still left out of sleepovers and other things. After I became a past HQ, I begged my mom to not force me to go anymore. She kept paying my dues and now I am a majority member but I have not been back. Afte rmy experience with Jobies, I refused to join Eastern Star. My mom was Worthy Grand Matron of Virginia in Eastern Star so a lot of members saw me grow up but Jobies destroyed my self esteem and confidence. Over the years, several of the girls who were in my bethel found me on Facebook and we're Facebook friends but they still get together and have never included me, which is fine.

Unknown said...

I used to be a jobbie and its a click just like anything else i was used as a robot to make money off of another body to help get donations blah blah blah you was one of them at meetings but when the meetings were over youd hear them whispering in the dressing room in their little groups about you and when it was time to go do meets in public theyd be the same way work together to get it done then go back to their clicks i hated it so bad i did it for my mom because she wanted me too... Maybe i didnt fit in cuz i was gay

CurrentJobie said...

I am really upset with hearing about the bad experiences the last two comments have had in jobs. Honestly, some bethels are just full of bitches that don't really represent jobs that well. I completely understand why you disliked the order because I have felt the same thing with a couple girls before in my jobie experience. But with the bethel I am currently in, we try to make everyone feel welcome and include everyone because of seeing this happen before to other girls. There are good bethel's and plenty of amazing girls in this order though and I'm sad a few of you didn't get the chance to properly see it.

Unknown said...

I'm a majority from bethel 18 out of Colorado which is no longer active I was just a wall flower the only office I got was electrician dimming of the lights our bethel had a drum and Nigel Corp which I was assigned to carry the banner the only time I was was ever happy with the bethel we all got to go to California to compete in the natural drum and Nigel but they had someone else at the last minute hold and March with the banner after I been pratcpract for several months....the Corp came in second place but for a girl of 15 not being able to participate in something you have practice for was horrible I stopped going to the meetings after we came back and wasn't invited to the party to celebrate our second place win and when the new HQ took her place I wasn't even offered a placement except to sit on the side lines the new girls that joined took the placement in the Queen's court when I felt after being with this bethel for over 2 years I should of at least been offered

Kara said...

As a Past Honored Queen, I will add that my bethel was a place for the adults to be petty and campaign for their kids. 20 years ago there were roughly 5 of us who were all the same age vying to be voted into the Top 5. I was well liked by the younger members so I made it in first of the girls my age even though my parents weren’t involved in The Lodge or on the Guardian Council. What drama! I had a council member who was mad I had passed her daughter in the elected line start a rumor I was pregnant after she disputed my attendance (which was fine), another one come to my after-school job to ask me how I could expect myself to learn my parts if I prioritized having a job instead of sitting and memorizing, my Installation as Honored Queen? ONLY ONE COUNCIL MEMBER showed and the outgowing queen didn’t even show up to install me - I had another PHQ do it on the fly and use A HAIRBRUSH AS A GAVEL because they had locked them in the supply closet.
No one helped me with anything, the adults were rude and catty, they cut rifts between teenage friendships. The secret in my Bethel was the adults were absolutely pathological in their jealousy and pitted the girls against each other. I finished my term and never went back. If my daughter ever has any interest in Jobies I would suggest she invest her time in a public speaking club - I feel like that and deflecting smear campaigns are my only skills gleaned from my time there.

Unknown said...

I am a past honored queen and a past Miss Job's Daughter of Utah. Reading the negative experiences here really makes me sad. I loved my years as a Jobie. I learned how to speak in front of large groups of people, how to conduct myself at formal events, how to arrange activities and one that is really important; how to yawn with my eyes open! :D Seriously the things I learned in Job's Daughters have helped me in my career and daily life. Plus I made life long friends. As with anything, people can have wonderful experiences while others are very disappointed. I hope that if any young girl is considering joining that she and her parents speak to some of the members and guardian council. I wouldn't trade my years in Job's Daughters for anything and I hope other girls can look back one day with the same wonderful memories that I do.

Unknown said...

As a current Job's Daughter of Virginia as of 2020, I can say there's nothing super secret about Job's Daughters. I love to read the conspiracy theory's about the organization,but I can say that most of them aren't true. I didn't grow up in my bethel, i actually joined my bethel at about 16, but these are some of the nicest, kindest, and just over-all most loving people I have met in my life. I luckily come from a bethel where there's no bullying nor hate or competition between anyone in our bethel. It hurts me when i hear about some daughters bad experiences, i just wished they had a better experience. its not for everyone, but its a great thing to be part of. Jobie love, bethel 3 norfolk va

Unknown said...

I'm heartbroken at hearing stories of girls being left out, teased, and feeling less confident. Also saddened that in some Bethels the adults are still trying to run things. I hope these are a few exceptions, not the norm. In our Bethel we work hard to have all our girls be ONE group, no clicks or meaness. Our adults support the girls in running their own meeting. If a Bethel is run right, in SD we work hard to do things right. I'm a PHQ and Past Bethel Guardian. My daughter is a PHQ. Job's teaches us leadership, teamwork, how to treat others with respect, how to be respectful to all others, to be brave and know your fellow Jobies have your back 100%, so many things. I would not be the strong woman i am without Job's and the same for my daughter. I've seen such great transformations in shy, quiet girls finding their voice and gaining selfesteem. Troubled girls turning their lives around. Girls with a troubled home life find a safe place where they belong and are protected. So many EXCEPTIONAL women have become successful because of this fantastic organization. I'm honored to still be a part of this fun leadership group. I highly recommend trying it.

LindaT said...

I think that if you made the clique that became a honored Queen it was a good experience. My sister was HQ and loved it. Her Twin didn’t make it. My best post was outer guard where I could do my homework. I do however remember the song ... nearer my God to thee as something nice. But the rest was meh...and 60 years ago it was very discriminatory. The discussion about public speaking and leadership must have been later than my experience. To me it was kind of pointless dress up. And a different popularity contest. Our guardian became very ill with cancer and couldn’t or maybe wouldn’t pass the authority on to others. Now I think it was just fear of admitting her weakness but then it seemed a shame that no good works were planned. As I said, Meh.

LindaT said...

Maybe not I am not gay and it was not a pleasant experience.

Unknown said...

I was a Jobie in the mid 70s and hated it. My bethel was all clique-y rich mean girls who smoked, drank and did pot. I was an awkward nerd who's parents were middle class and in the middle of a brutal divorce. While there were some fun times with friends in other Bethels, for the most part, I felt like a outsider. I loved the rituals and songs because I was so broken that it gave me a lot of comfort and a sense of normalcy, but the other mothers felt that girls with divorced parents were from "bad homes" and encouraged their daughters not to be too friendly. Once my parents stopped driving me, instead of taking 3 buses (at night especially in the winter on the prairies at age 14), I started to go to my friend's house and hang out and do homework until it was time to go home. Eventually I just never went back and no one questioned it. I swore I would never join any group or lodge in the future and never did.

Unknown said...

Late to the party, but am also gay and can confirm that my experience was also pretty bad. Like most other people said, I did it at behest of my mother and didn't stay in it for very long. I'm researching this bc I'm trying to figure out exactly what the hell this was that I experienced bc it seems as though my brain has trauma blocked most of it out lol

Unknown said...

I was a Job and had a very positive experience. My Mother was a Star & was constantly doing good works for charity. Many times I assisted her in fundraising for The Heart Association & The Cancer Foundations. The special bonds made during those years will remain with me always.

Cathy said...

Finally, I have found a place of truth! This year I turned 62. In 1973, our family moved to this small town in Kansas. I was awkward and new in town. Every single day I came home and cried my eyes out. I was bullied in School, just because. The next year I had made a couple of friends. I was invited to join this "club" called Jobs Daughter's. My Mother apparently knew what this was. She said that her Mother was a member of Eastern Star. Okay, an application was filled out, papers in order, I went to an overnight slumber party and thought by the next day, I would be in. NO, not to be! I was told that someone had BLACK BALLED me! This was the worst thing to have happened to me! Being bullied and then black balled set in motion the ruination of my life! All I ever wanted was to know WHY? I know it has been a very long time but can anyone help me? I don't want to be told to forget about it because I can't. I just can't.

Cathy said...

Why does my comment say Reply Delete at the very end? I feel as though I am being pushed out once again!

J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J said...

I used to be a job's daughter. And I am always left out like no one would be my friend expect my sister. And my sister becoming friends with other girls. I started to feel left out like I am nothing . It's such a bad experience that is in my life that I don't want my niece to join job's daughters and had her endured the same thing that I endured of my time in job's daughters. Plus I get screamed at by my father because I didn't memorized my lines or I didn't do what my father said. ( it kinda destroyed my esteem. And I was dealing with a lot at that time like school work and the emotional abuse from my brother and father and i have adhd as well yea. I had a lot of things in my plate at that time )