So How Do Penguins Pay Tarriffs?

The Idiot in Chief just released his tariff schedule for the rest of the world. I say "Idiot" not just from ire, or political disagreement that prompts insults. Sure, those are part of it. But I say it because he just so plainly proved it.

There were a lot of small "countries" who were charged 10% tariffs on whatever they might try to export to us. Of course there was just this tiny, silly, little hitch in his tariff giddyup: many of those named simply don't have populations. Not of humans anyway. They are mostly small southern hemisphere islands. Some are volcanoes with glaciers, or still active volcanoes. Some look like sandy atolls from aerial views. There might be patches of green. Or not.

Some actually are inhabited. With penguins. Maybe a few seals too, or at least during breeding season. I can't say how year-round those populations are in residence, mostly because I've never heard of these places before. Woefully poor attention span in school geography class, I expect. Yeah, that's it. Poor attention. Mea culpa.

I fully anticipate that you, like me, have difficulty imagining penguins and seals finding anything to export off their islands, much less have heard of us or even "have a concept of" exporting something here. No doubt those tariffs would stop them right in their... uh, flippers? webbed claws? long before they'd dream of cheating our economy by not paying tariffs, eh?

Some names look suspiciously like something out of the renowned "Onion". Or maybe somebody handed the Idiot In Chief a list on April 1st because it was his day. Not that he'd ever check them out personally, of course. There's a pair  of islands well off Australia, for example, named Heard and McDonalds. I gleefully imagine  he just churned those in his brain until it seemed reasonable that indeed, yes he had "Heard of McDonalds" and they sounded like they could bring in a whole lot of money from their imports. (Of what? Penguin Burgers?) I also strongly doubt our Idiot, like many stupid people, would admit to unfamiliarity with them, and as a result simply added them to his list. I mean, who would dare mock him this way?

Now the question is begged as to whether his staff is protecting him from awareness of how stupid his tariff list is, and what a laughingstock he is for yet another reason added to all the other reasons, both domestically and internationally. No, he'll just revel in his assumed brilliance and go on to the next way to destroy what's great in this country - or was.

But if he finds out, I'd keep my ears tuned for some staff firings in the West Wing. Maybe a run on ketchup bottles too once he throws his remaining supply on the walls. As he does.