First, let's qualify that. We tend to adopt new chemistry, particularly where human use is concerned, assuming everything is known before we see the products, and discover some consequences later. This story is going to be a before/after one.
I've been dodging getting a colonoscopy for over a decade now. Ever since the last one and how it went wrong. Worst part of that is I don't believe the doc in charge back then had any clue whatsoever, and never checked in to find out. In other words, he didn't care to know. He won't be doing this one. An 1800 mile relocation on my part helps guarantee that.
Still, he used standard medical practices, so I switched to using Cologard to keep track of that part of my health. It's kind of fun, after all, to poop in a pot and mail the results back to the company. I take the box to UPS and wonder if they actually know the contents or not, or are just keeping a poker face so as to keep the account. I've changed enough thousands of diapers in my life to have gotten past squeamishness, and soap is still always handy. But I haven't ignored the issue, since Daddy had colon cancer in his upper 80s. It was removed during the colonoscopy which discovered it. The first sample I sent back was just fine. The recent one came with a positive result, which they've tried to reassure me doesn't guarantee cancer, just some kind of abnormality which needs to be inspected.
If you're of a certain age, you know what that means. Laxatives, lots of liquids, no nuts, no dyes that change gut appearance, all the usual pre-surgical prep besides. I start a week early. Fun fun. Then I spend time on a table while the doc checks my insides for whatever might be a problem. My first one was when I turned 40 and I asked the doctor afterwards if he was disappointed not to find my tonsils in the process, since I didn't have any left.
It wasn't fun. At least not for me.
The most recent one was when they supposedly had a better system for knocking me out and my feeling no pain. They got one out of three right: I was paralyzed during the procedure. I know because I was trying to tell them they'd gotten it wrong. I was awake, feeling everything including the occasional snipping. I couldn't even vary my breathing enough to make any noise, hard as I tried. Of course I'm not sure if they would have anyway, with conversation happening over background music. Don't ask me what it was about, but it wasn't about me and how I was doing. I was just there.
After, when the doc came out to "check on his patient" he did a fly-by comment that I was awake awfully early after the procedure. I was given no chance to respond because he was already gone. Caring, right?
Remember that bruhaha when lethal injections became controversial because the chemical cocktails left several death row inmates awake for however long it took the rest of their drug cocktail to actually kill them? Conclusion was they were awake and immobilized for their 45 minute torture, or however long it took. Cruel and unusual just wearing a different costume. The medical profession said "we won't help you do that" and rather than stopping capitol punishment they switched to other methods, or possibly other chemical sources.
I get it.
When I had the pre-procedure, meet-the-patient appointment last week, I explained my last colonoscopy experience. I was listened to. She (not the surgeon) knew what I was referring to. They used what they called "twilight sleep" back then. For reasons not explained, though I can guess, about 10 years ago they switched to full anesthesia, using propofol. Same as I had for my cardiac procedures, or even the sebaceous cyst removal last year. Out. Completely. Wake up when it's over, no throwing up, no memory wipe from starting the trip down the hall to when you wake up. None of those things I've experienced during various surgical precedures from my tonsillectomy at 5 to the time we left Minnesota.
It's scheduled for mid May, since the docs are still backed up from Covid stopping "optional" procedures for so long. Now it'll be propofol. No pain! No side effects. So maybe in this case at least, I'm ready for better living through chemistry.
But you can believe they'll hear from me if it doesn't go right!
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