I confess: that's me this time. I have one person's account, and the only information given to me was by her. She's a party in the issue and I'm taking her word for what the situation is. I don't know the others. I shouldn't know the others. That would be a violation of their privacy, their confidentiality. But it's a story I heard Wednesday night, pool walking, and I'll pass it on to you, who won't know the people involved either. It's about risk, and hope, and it touched me. I can't wait to find out more.
The person telling us the details, unlike the rest of us last night, is still working. She's a social worker, specializing on working with children who for whatever reasons have been either removed from their families or need a competent adult present when they go visit a parent for a few hours. Her days can get long, as lots of travel is often involved, and we seldom see her at the times we are there, but last night she was, as always, welcomed back into our group.
The family in question has no involvement by the children's mother. Reasons were not given. The older child, I'll refer to her as the big sister, doesn't see her father either. Again no "why" is given. She is in foster care with her younger brother, who has a different father who lives in another state. At this point the plan is to reunite little brother with his father, and he has applied to take the older sister as well, keeping the siblings together.
But there's a hitch in that giddyup. Big sister doesn't want to go. She is attached to her foster family, who have indicated a wish to adopt her. Neither big sister nor the foster family wish to have a long term connection with little brother. He has multiple disabilities, and frequently acts out violently. The court hasn't ruled yet, and big sister needs to get the courage to inform her attorney and the judge that she does not want to leave her foster home and go with little brother. His relatives are strangers to her, and worse from her point of view, little brother and all his problems including his violence are way too familiar. The foster family is not allowed to push her in any direction. But the social worker does have the authority in her position to inquire and advise her what might be the best for her, primarily involving speaking up for herself. It requires her learning to value herself and respect her own needs, not selfishly as she may believe, but simply because despite what's happened to her, she too has value. The social worker's opinion is that older sister will wind up being little more than the primary caretaker for her abusive little brother if she goes to his father's family. Instead she needs to finish growing up in an environment which supports her, her needs, her goals. A good option is available to her if she asks for it, according to our friend.
So hearing that much, having no reason to believe more information needs to be presented, I've got an opinion. I'd love to hear when we return after summer vacation that big sister is living with her foster family and getting ready to be adopted by them. Before parting ways the other night, I asked our social worker friend to be prepared to let us know in the fall how it turns out. I almost can't wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment