T. P. Porn

One advantage of having a DVR with your TV satellite system is the ability to pause. Wherever, whenever, for however long. It's starting to get abused.

Our satellite company is Direct TV. It's now owned by A T & T. Somebody there decided we needed an "entertaining" screen saver. At first it was delightful scenic shots, the kind that should earn the photographers some hefty change. Later, they changed into promos for movies they wanted to entice us to pay for. Then they went back to a combination of scenics and ads for movies. Their next step - always improving, those folks, eh? - was to throw in ads for A T & T themselves. Apparently even that didn't pay well enough. Now the go-to ad when the pause button is hit, is an endless loop for Charmin.

Now that, in itself, isn't all that objectionable. Nevermind that there is none available on the shelves even if we decided to head out and buy their product. True, it is a level of frustration to have somebody whet your appetite for the unavailable. But we can deal with that, possibly even managing to be out of the room to a location where their product might actually be of use. Irony, huh.

It's the ad itself that pushes itself into the boundaries of porn. T. P. porn. It's Daddy Bear again, the same character who showed Baby Bear that she doesn't need half a roll to meet her needs. Cute, at least the first 350 times. OK, maybe 3 times.

In this ad, however, Daddy is squeezing, fondling, and loving up two big packages of T. P., with what I could rudely call a shit-eating grin on his face, were I not too polite to do so. Consider it not having been done. Just in case you didn't quite get the way this one leans, the tag line seals it: "Enjoy the go."

Oh, if only we could!