The Event Monitor

We're starting with the premise that, as a member of the modern world, I am familiar with the latest technology.

NOT! So not. Let's change the above to reflect that the rest of the world seems to assume I am.

It's maybe understandable. I have a cell phone, a lap top, a TV with satellite connection and remote as well as other media machines hooked up to it. I have a microwave, an electric alarm clock, a reasonably modern car. So what's the problem?

That cell phone is a flip phone. I can't tell you if it has any G, much less 3G or whatever. It claims to have texting abilities but that means hitting any alpha-numeric key a certain number of times to produce whichever letter I want next. I refuse. A girl could get seriously killed texting while driving with this thing!

The TV gets set up by somebody else. I've mostly learned the functions of the current remote. After three years I know how to change the TV input from HDMI1 to Video 1, which is the DVR. Paul's TV remote for any DVD runs through Playstation and off a joystick, and each time it's a new lesson and a lot of fumbling. It helps when I figure out which two buttons are the absolutely essential ones and live without the rest, however inconvenient.

That alarm clock somehow doesn't get the message that I wish to change the alarm time or which 12-hour cycle I would like it to go off in. Good thing I'm retired. If an alarm is necessary, I have Steve set his smart phone.

My laptop, well, after two years I can do some things on it, but still haven't figured out the newest spreadsheet program and am not convinced it's worth the effort to make a budgeting spreadsheet. And which are the rows and which are the columns again? Coordinating the photo library and email or blog to add pics needs some work (aka a miracle).

Hey, I've got the microwave and the new vacuum figured out, and can change the Heppa filter in my "white noise machine", so I'm not totally hopeless. right? Just because I can't change a ceiling light bulb, well, that's a logistics issue (height, blalnce, knees, etc.) instead of new technology. And I'm no longer blonde, got it?

Some things just take a while. And finding someone who can translate my questions to their knowledge base and back to mine again for an understandable reply to my how-to questions can be an issue, particularly when I have to fight through an accent to understand who's saying what even when you can find somebody who can go off script for two minutes. I recall somebody insisting I do something with the Bluetooth logo when I'd never seen one and they couldn't even describe what one looks like.

So all this leads to my new event monitor. I get to wear one for the next 21 days to see what is going on with my heart on a sustained basis. Are my meds working properly? Those nights when I wake  up gasping for breath, is that apnea or heart related? Is it time to consider ablation surgery or even a pacemaker? So, enter new technology requiring instant comprehension. No challenge. Not a speck. Right?

Parts of the system are pretty obvious. There's an adhesive patch for my chest which can stay on for three days, even in the shower after you remove the monitor. The patch has this funny metallic grid on the skin contact side which screams circuit board, and the outside has snaps with which to attach the monitors. There are two monitors, numbered (guess what?) one and two.  One is daytime, two night. Whichever one is not being worn is on the charger. The phone gets its own charger, next to the bed at night so I'm still close.

Of course there's a process to go through to change the monitors and communicate to the company that no, you haven't just died, and yes, they need to pick up the alternate signal. If you in fact have just died, there are bells and whistles for that too. It's all in the book. Communication between the monitors and the company is via a smart phone.

Oops!

The nice lady in the Doc's office set me up with the system so I walked out wearing my monitor and phone. She answered all my questions, referred me to the book for any further explanations and the troubleshooting phone number (via your own cell, not the monitor's phone), and, I'm sure, thought that I was all set to muddle through well enough. After all, if something isn't sending a signal properly, they alert me, the Doc, Steve, the ambulance company... whatever it takes. We went through everything twice or more before I left.

There were added considerations as well: airplane travel, cell signal blocking buildings, shower procedures, where to wear their phone, how close to stay to it, how far from your own cell, how to pack it all up after 21 days to UPS it immediately back to the company. I already knew where UPS was, so a foot up, eh? Staying away from static electricity will take some thought, since my clothing is full of it, and simply walking across the living room to draw the blinds gives a shock. But if it's a problem for the equipment, I'll hear about it.

But there was just this one little thing. I know the screen saver goes black on the phone to save battery. I was practicing going through the menu with book and phone to make sure I knew the what and how for swapping off monitors tonight. Only, that phone screen stayed black. I wasn't secure in fiddling with everything I could find to see if I could figure out how to light the screen again. They'd already said DON'T TOUCH THAT GREEN BUTTON! So I wasn't going to do that even though it's there for some important reason which I don't understand, and may need to be touched at some time. I did remember how to slide the phone out of its clip-to-your-pants case, so I did that in case something obvious would present itself.

It didn't.

I could identify the charger cord port. I found lots of irregular bumps, cuts, holes, and who-knows-what along the sides, but again, they did a bang-up job of intimidation in the don't-screw-it-up department. Steve had taken his back to bed in hopes of relieving its pain enough to get some sleep, so asking him wasn't on the top 10 preferred options list. I'd determined that while it is a touch screen device, that didn't wake up the screen in the first place so I could tell what to touch.

OK, I'm assuming all of you have the most obvious answer in the world and are shaking your heads over this little issue.  I, however, had to go to plan... uh, z? Call the  troubleshooting phone number for the company.

At least he didn't laugh at me.

They are well trained.