Just two days left working here. I'm taking Friday off for those last minute errands, a good-bye visit with my granddaughter, and packing. While out and about I'm making phone calls to start up electric and gas, start mail delivery there, change addresses, get info on the new area....
In the middle of the morning news yesterday I got hit with an anxiety attack. I wouldn't call it a full-fledged panic attack, just a clenching in the gut that lasted for hours.
I couldn't understand it.
And yes, I know that sounds silly. I know it's all going to get done. I know I want to make this move. I know I've already planned to come back early or cash in investments if the income is too tight down there. On the other hand, I know how much is left to do and how much stress it all makes, and it's showing. My short-term memory is crap right now, and I keep double-checking everybody else's tasks. That's not because I don't trust them. It's because I don't trust myself right now. Steve keeps reassuring me that, for example, Lance has packed the airbed he and Lisa are bring along, along with the tie straps for inside the truck to stabilize and secure the load. Yet I still want to add it back on to the to-do list.
I've moved up my date for restarting work to Monday the 28th. The house will still be full but by then I won't have that much to do. It'll mostly be painting, digging up unwanted bushes, loading the dumpster: stuff that needs younger knees than I can provide. I will instead be concentrating on bringing in a little more funding to help feed my large crew. Other than turning in my last trip sheets, everything is done on this end for leaving work. I said a few good-byes yesterday on my route, and thought I ought to call and reminding our company's route manager that in a week my route needs a new driver. (Hey, I know how communication works in this company.) It turns out it's a good thing I did. Reminding is not the precise term to use when somebody never got the info in the first place!
Yesterday Steve and I made a list. I called him and while driving a long stretch of highway mentally went through each room of the house to think about what still needed attention. It ranged from dismantling the dog kennel to take down, to having Paul adjust the placement of the front door deadbolt (things have shifted) so we can actually lock the house for two weeks while nobody's in it. It's been years since that happened, aside from Daddy's funeral, since somebody's always been in it - aside for maybe a couple hours here and there since he moved in. I kept calling back and saying, "add ______ to the list."
Having the list makes me feel some better. Not completely. That anxiety attack is hovering, waiting for another opening. Knocking stuff off the list will help - I think. Last night we made no progress on the list, however. It was time for a little private "we time". Last weekend his daughter was up, helping. Friday the house fills again as his kids come to load and head down with us. There won't be real privacy again for over a couple weeks.
Lucky for us, sometimes we know what the really important things are.
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