No Poker Face

It's never a good thing when, in the middle of you doctor's exam, while she's poking and prodding, a look of alarm flashes across her face. I'm used to cheerful, helpful, explanatory, inquisitive. Not alarm. But apparently she doesn't have a poker face.

It was my first "real" physical in a few years since losing my health insurance. Now that it's back, it's time to explore a bunch of issues, check out progress/deterioration, explore options, all the while keeping in mind the budget limits of the new plan.

We were well into the exam, and this wasn't my first surprise. That was when I stepped on the scale, after setting down the pocketbook and book, removing shoes, 2 cell phones, 2 sets of keys, a pen.... Anyway, I'd lost weight since last year. And I haven't been trying. What I have noticed was my stomach seemed to fill faster lately, leaving me with my usual serving on the plate and having to put some in a leftovers container. I suspect it's related to my second surprise.

It wasn't a complete surprise. I've known for a few years not that I had a fibroid growing in my abdomen, most likely attached to if not actually growing out of my uterus. An ultrasound diagnosed it and they sized it at 11 x 13 centimeters, or about the size of a large orange. Completely benign. I used to relax on the bed on my back and be able to feel around myself and find the thing. I haven't been able to do that recently.

As she started the belly poking, I asked her if she could still find it. This is her cue to go, "Ohmigod, it's the size of a baby!" along with the aforementioned facial reaction. Just in case I hadn't gotten the clue yet, she added, "This could cause you real problems!"

There are several ways to react to that kind of news. There's the calm reflection that it's not anything malignant, so it can be - literally - lived with. There's the noting that, well, I've already lost some weight, and if they remove this, I'll lose more: cool! As well as, here I thought it was all belly fat, but I'll look a whole lot less pregnant when this "baby" goes bye-bye. There's also the thought that this might in fact be the cause of the weight loss, since judging by where her hands were finding its edges, it appears to be more vertical than not, and thus might be pushing against my stomach, thus limiting its available room for food. There's wondering about side effects, since the only other thing I've noticed about having it is that bathroom visits are more problematical and less efficient than formerly, and if I have to spell that out further, tough! No, I'm not short of breath, with a pair of knees that keep me so inactive that I have very little occasion to notice that kind of thing anyway. There's the curiosity of wondering what else she might be talking about when she says it might cause me real problems. And of course there's wondering what can be done about it on my limited budget.

Ten grand a year doesn't go very far, and there are other things needing attention too. I left the visit with a list of 6 referrals for tests and evaluations, one of which is a gynecologist to have this checked out, and find out what my options are. But that appointment is next month. I'll be patient, since I'm not really concerned, despite my doctor's reaction. That "baby" has been growing for over three years, doesn't kick, and doesn't make me throw up 18 times a day, and won't take up the next 18 years of my life parenting.

We can get along.