Sunday, October 14, 2012

Voicemail Follies

A new phone, an old phone, a usable phone. I now have three numbers. 

The latest is my work Blackberry, and I aim to discourage folks from leaving messages there with any hope of getting a prompt reply. I also hope that Jill eventually gives out her new number to everybody. Meanwhile somebody wants a job reference for somebody else, Bernard or Benedict or somebody has an upcoming medical appointment that I hope somebody remembers, and a couple folks have indicated they know they've gotten a wrong number - but were having fun anyway.

Here is it's message:

"Hey, you only THINK you’ve reached Heather’s cell. Listen up and grab a pen.  This is a smart phone, meaning it requires three hands, two eyeballs, and one tech-savvy brain to operate. I’m driving. In fact I’m always driving, all day long, so you’re kinda SOL.  If you really want to talk to me, call my dumb phone, (--- --- ----). I can actually work that one. Or leave a message or  text me at this number. I’ll figure out how to get those messages... eventually."

And no, I haven't figured out texting yet. But I'm willing to work on it. I do at least get the voicemails.

As for the home phone, I doubt anybody but telemarketers and opinion surveyors use that number. We certainly don't, except for the occasional outgoing call when we don't want to use our cells, or when one of us tries to reach another at home when their cell is off. It announces calls in a weird voice, but you can still hear "call from Mom's cell". We always ignore the ones from "Joel Free Call" - apparently the system can't read "T"s too well. "Ogden Yoo Tee" also get ignored, popular a source as it is.

If you try us on that line, here's what you will hear:

"You have reached (--- ----). If that’s the number you are actually dialing, we are  sorry. Nobody ever uses this phone. We only have this because we need it to have internet service.  If you know us -  Paul, Rich, Steve and Heather - we all have cell phones. Call us on that if you really want to talk to us. If you are a telemarketer, this is on the do-not-call list. Yeah, good luck . We are not giving out those numbers.  If you are looking for John or Gladys, they have relocated to Fort Snelling. Feel free to go visit them there any time. Bring flowers. Or try calling them at 1-800-CREMAINS. Bye."

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