Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

It was time for a new uniform shirt. They come in long or short sleeved, regular and tall. All men's only. All pale blue.

I picked one a size smaller than the one I was wearing, the one having the under-collar showing through in spots, the one where you could practically see through the fabric at the armpits. The epitome of "threadbare". She asked me if I wanted regular or tall. Actually, I plan to cut a good chunk of the bottom off and hem it across. No long tails to make it three times as hard to get to the bathroom fast. No long tails to take an extra minute tucking back inside the pants so there is no unsightly roll of fabric.

We got into a discussion about the guys who came in for replacement shirts. Some of them have to be encouraged strongly to go for the tall sizes. Nobody wants to see our drivers' butt cracks. Really. Or whatever isn't covered in front where the belt is fastened under the belly, and that means under all of the belly. And these, of course, are the drivers who wind up asking, "Does this make me look fat?"

She doesn't know how to answer them. If it were her husband, she'd know what to say: "Yes." But mostly these are strangers, and who knows how badly they want the question answered, or with how much truth in it?

I have some suggestions:

As opposed to what? Being naked?

No fatter than you looked before.

Only when you stand like this....

Try sucking it in and see if that helps.

Only in the belly. The hips look fine.

Of course not. Everybody gets fooled by that dropped belt trick.

Don't worry about it, everybody looks like that after 250 pounds.

Why? Cute girls on your route?

What makes you think you look fat?

It's just the lighter color, it fools the eye.

Nothing like the last guy who was in here for shirts. Wow!

No, but let's go for this larger size this time, OK? Keep those buttons from popping. Somebody could lose an eye.

No, just 8 months pregnant.

It's a medication reaction, isn't it?

You used to play football?

You look good in that relaxed fit. I bet suspenders would be more comfortable too.

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